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Author Topic:   You might be at a Redneck racetrack if......
dirtracer14
Dirt Freak

Total posts: 333
posted August 26, 2002 10:00 PM UIN: 23443678
You Might Be At A Redneck Racetrack If........
If the sprint cars have gun racks.
If the drivers wear Nomex bib overalls.
If the pace car was made by Massey-Ferguson.
If the trophy queen has a chew in her lip.
If the cars have bras on them, but the women do not.
If the races are cancelled because the light bulb burned out.
If there is corn growing on the backstretch.
If the wheel fence is electrified.
If the racing fuel comes in Mason jars.
If the pit shack has a Mail Pouch advertisement painted on it.
If the trophy queen could win a blue ribbon at the county fair.
If you cant use the restroom until the water truck comes back.
If the restroom attendant hands you a flashlight and points toward the woods.
If next weeks burgers are grazing just beyond turn three.
If the infield is kept manicured by goats.
If the P.A. system sounds like it was borrowed from McDonalds.
If the invocation takes longer than the national anthem.
If you get confused during the Pure Stock race because every car is #3.
If the photographer ducks under a black cloth to take the Victory Lane
photos.
If there has ever been a caution period caused by a farm animal.
If the biggest crowd of the year is on Revenuer Forgiveness Night.
If the only items on the menu are pork rinds and hog jowls.
If the sign at the front gate says No Shoes, No Shirt?...Come On In!
If there are 2000 people in the grandstands and only 37 teeth on the front
row.
If the entrance fee is two chickens.
If the highlight of the season is the annual appearance of the World of
Inbreds.
If the announcer pages Bubba to the track office, and the grandstands
empty.
If the fanciest transporter in the pits was made by John Deere.
If theres a five car crash, and the cars look better after it.
If the Late Model division is dominated by Bo and Luke.
If the hat dance involves a caller and the do-si-do.
If the wrecker needs a tow truck.
If the debris fence is made of baling wire and twine.
If they play Dueling Banjos during driver introductions.
If the race cars have fenders, but the street cars do not.
If the local bass boats have more horsepower than the race cars.
If the parts truck stock fox tails.
If the numbers in the pill draw only go up to three.
If all the arguments end up the same way: Mom always liked you best.
If the race cars have steer horns on the hoods.
If they think OsCal 500 is a big NASCAR race.
If in-car communication is provided by CB radios.
If the scorers use their toes.
If there is a splinter removal station just outside the restroom.
If the crowd thinks asphalt means someones pants arent pulled all
the way up.
If the payoff was eaten by the goats (on the infield).
If the fire truck has to be hand cranked to start.
If they pass the collection plates at intermission.
If the track announcer concludes the evening by saying, Tall come
back now,y hear.
If the restroom doors have quarter moons cut in them
If the announcer has to use first names because everyone in the field has the same last name!
If the checkered flag was changed to a confederate flag

jammin
Dirt Administrator

Total posts: 5060
posted August 26, 2002 10:28 PM UIN: 16262997
LOL.....I can count about 10 things that apply to the tracks in Arkansas!


Thanks for the laugh 14!

jammin

racer17j
Dirt Forum Champ
Total posts: 885
posted August 26, 2002 11:57 PM UIN: 54865418
now you all know why my favorite track closed down at midseason in 97. take a look at my pic of my cruiser win and you'll see just how close that is lol

dirtracer14
Dirt Freak

Total posts: 333
posted August 27, 2002 12:27 AM UIN: 23443678
When i read this i had a smile for the whole weekend repeating what i had read to anyone that had anything to do with racing. I just thought we all needed a smile. If anyone has any to add feel free

Greggie
Dirt Full Roller

Total posts: 66
posted August 29, 2002 09:01 AM
How do you add anything to that!?

Greggie

uforacing51
Dirt Freak

Total posts: 240
posted August 30, 2002 03:57 PM
How about this one...
If you have to get to the races early to take the engine out of the tow rig so the car can race.

dirtracer14
Dirt Freak

Total posts: 333
posted August 30, 2002 06:08 PM UIN: 23443678
Or if you end up pulling the tow rig in with the race car!

dirtracer14
Dirt Freak

Total posts: 333
posted August 30, 2002 10:00 PM UIN: 23443678
This is a redneck Tow rig. http://www.netlaughter.com/motorhome.jpg

uforacing51
Dirt Freak

Total posts: 240
posted August 30, 2002 11:31 PM
It looks like a motorhome and a garage all in one! ha ha

Brett Henry
Dirt Newbie

Total posts: 4
posted September 02, 2002 03:52 PM
That is too funny. Thanks for the laughs.

dirtracr
Dirt Forum Racer

Total posts: 79
posted September 02, 2002 05:46 PM
**** dirtracer 14..where the heck did u come up with all those...

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