Visit The Dirt Forum for More Information

Author Topic:   Southern Jokes
Scoot
Dirt Freak

Total posts: 330
posted November 04, 2002 06:44 PM
An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the
driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "'Bout what?"

Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a
sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?"
"Jes' some chickens."
"If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?"
"Shoot, if ya guesses right, I'll give you both of 'em!" "OK.
Ummmmm...five?"

An Alabamian came home and found his
house on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and
shouted, "Hurry over here-muh house is on fahr!"
"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Shucks, don't you fellers still have those big red trucks?"

Why do folks in Kentucky go to R-rated
movies in groups of 18 or more?
Because they heard 17 and under aren't admitted.

Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The
911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.
" The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street
and you pick her up there?"

Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32?
They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi?
Documentaries

Where was the toothbrush invented?
Arkansas.
If it were invented anywhere else, it would have
been called a teethbrush.

Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery? The winner
gets
$3 a year for a million years.

A new law was recently passed in North Carolina so that when a couple
gets
divorced, they're still brother and sister.

What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in
Florida have in common?
No matter what, somebody's fixin' to lose a
trailer.

How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the
person at the front desk says, "Go ahead.

A gynecologist had a burning desire to change careers and become a
mechanic. So he found out from the local tech college what was involved,
signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he
could.

When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist
prepared
carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When
the
results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a grade
of
150%.
Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying "I don't want to
appear
ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had
been
an error which needed adjusting."

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart
perfectly,
which was worth 50% of the total grade. You put the engine back together
again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the grade. I gave you an
extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler."

------------------
Scoot
Smith Racing Team
870-365-5989

[This message has been edited by Scoot (edited November 04, 2002).]

hoosier_baby_3D
Dirt Maniac

Total posts: 118
posted November 04, 2002 08:52 PM
Gee Scoot, I think I have seen these before. LOL

------------------
"Blood, Sweat, and Gears"

Eljojo
Dirt Freak

Total posts: 273
posted November 04, 2002 09:56 PM
Three guys from down South and three guys from up North get on a train. The three Northerners notice that the three Southerners only have one ticket. When they asked about it, the Southern boys told them to watch and they would show them how three could ride for the price of one.
Just about the time the conductor started making his rounds, the three Southerners all crouded into the lavoratory. The conductor knocked on the door and a hand came out and handed the ticket over and the conductor went on his way.
When the time came for the return trip, the Northerners climbed onto the train---only one ticket between the three of them. Then the Southerners boarded---not any ticket at all. "How are you boy's planning to ride the train without ANY ticket" the Northerners asked.
"Wait and we'll show you"
The conductor started making his rounds and the three Northerners climbed into the lavoratory. Two of the Southern boys crouded into the other lavoratory. The third went and knocked on the door.
*****grin*****
I STILL ain't figgered out how we lost that war!!!!!!

Back to the Archives